


Emotions are too much

by It_started_out_as_a_feeling



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Hurt No Comfort, Sad Ending, Sad Jughead Jones, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-20 18:49:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18531001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/It_started_out_as_a_feeling/pseuds/It_started_out_as_a_feeling
Summary: Jughead is suffering and no one notices until he is caught crying





	1. Chapter 1

I don't think anyone really understands how tiring it is to act okay and always be strong when in reality you're close to the edge. Jughead had always known this, and he had always felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He knew everything was his fault and he was nowhere near perfect.  
Jughead was sitting by himself at the table he and his friends usually shared at lunch since his friends were busy with their ‘extra- curricular activities.’ Not that they would be able to comfort him because, one: they wouldn't understand, and two: Jughead wouldn't tell them. They would see his weaknesses and as much as Jughead wanted to be accepted for who he was, he knew it wouldn't happen. It’s sad when you feel alone around so many people.  
Jughead didn't want to admit it, but he was feeling quite… depressed. He felt alone, rejected, defeated, pathetic, like he was falling apart and downright tired. And he felt so weak inside. It's a kind of tired that sleep can't fix.  
He got up from his table and headed to… he didn’t know but it ended up being an empty classroom. He was just too tired to concentrate on the day ahead and wasn't exactly in the mood. He knew the teachers didn’t really like students in classrooms but what they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. And he was too tired to care. I'm destroying myself but I'm too tired to care.  
He sat down, now feeling the weight of all his emotions. Worry, Stress, Grief… For his sister who had left, all because of him. His mum, because he was a nuisance. Do you sit down and realise how not okay you are?  
Jughead felt a tear run down his face. Hot and salty. More came. Until he was sobbing uncontrollably, head on the desk, shoulders heaving. It's sad really, that the only reason he hadn’t killed myself yet was because he didn't want to hurt anyone. And if he did it to end his pain, the ones he loved would have to take it, and they can't handle that pain.  
No one cared about him, did they? No, it's okay. It only hurts a lot.  
He was only a pawn in everyone’s plans. One day, I will never wake up and I will finally be happy.  
What was he going to do? I spent 17 years telling myself that I was fine, okay, but now I'm realising I'm not and I don't think I can handle this on my own anymore.  
No one cared if he's sick, tired, fatigued or injured. Right? Or do Betty and Archie? If they do, they don’t show it. Archie ditched him for a teacher. I can't keep pretending I'm okay because all I think about doing is dying and I'm not sure I can hold on to this life I don't want anymore.  
He shouldn’t let his emotions control him but why couldn't he keep them from making him feel this way? My smile turns to tears when no one is looking and it just hurts so bad.  
Now, he had a numb feeling in his body. I felt so much that I started to feel nothing.  
I just feel so alone. I swear I've been through so much that I don't feel anything. I can't do this anymore! I can't keep fighting, pretending it’s okay because it's not! It's destroying me and I don't want to… I'm done trying… I'm done fighting… I'm so done…  
How do I feel? Alone. I can't let people in. They won't help, they never do. I'm scared. Scared they won't do anything, just hurt me. I feel Guilty. It's my fault so many people have died and no matter what I do, nothing seems to help. There's a voice in my head that says I'm better off dead.  
I'm nothing. I was always nothing.  
'Juggie? What’s wrong?' Betty asked, approaching him, Archie following him. Jughead felt his face burn.  
'I'm fine,' he replied, hating how broken his voice sounded. I'm not fine, please help me.  
'Jug, please, what's wrong?' Archie asked, kneeling beside him and placing a hand on his shoulder.  
'Nothing, I said I'm fine,' he repeated, standing up and walking out of the room. Away from Archie and away from Betty. They were better off not knowing, and he was better off alone…  
I just want to die…


	2. Chapter 2

Keep yourself busy so you can stay out of your feelings.  
Pop’s had always been comforting to Jughead, and writing had always kept him away from his feelings and emotions. It calmed him.   
But today wasn't the same. His emotions came like a powerful wave sweeping him off his feet. His typing became more intense until he was practically hitting his keyboard. He had to close it and push it away from him so he wouldn’t break it.  
It felt like an eternity for him to calm his breathing and think straight. But that's when and unwelcome voice spoke.  
‘Hey, Jughead!’ the unmistakable voice of Reggie Mantle.  
Jughead opened his mouth to reply but he really didn't feel like dealing with the idiot at the moment, so he got up and walked out of the restaurant without looking back, slinging his laptop back over his shoulder.  
He didn’t know where to go now. He couldn’t go home, FP was most likely drunk (again), he couldn’t go to Betty’s or Archie’s because they’d just seen him crying and he was more embarrassed than ever. He couldn’t go to Toledo-  
Yes he could. He could go and he wanted to go. The question was did his mum want him?  
He rode all the way to the bus station, bought a ticket and, with a lot of time left to wait, went to the phone box. He dialled his mum’s number, the one he’d engraved in his head since he was a kid.  
‘Hello?’ Gladys’ voice filled the phone.  
‘Hi, mum.’  
‘Jug? Oh hi,’ she answered tonelessly. Wasn’t she happy to hear from him?  
‘Hey, guess what? I. Got a ticket. For Toledo.’ He said.  
‘Oh. Really?’ she said, sounding annoyed.  
‘Yeah, I’d thought I’d come see you and Jellybean for a while. I could crash on the couch-’  
‘Jughead, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,’ she said, sounding… angry?  
The worst feeling is when you think you're annoying the only person you want to talk to.  
‘Oh, I… I understand,’ he said, although he didn’t.  
It's painful to hear "no" when you need someone.  
‘You know what? Just forget I said anything, okay? Alright bye,’ he slammed the phone down before his mum would hear him cry. He tried holding in his sobs. What kind of mum was she?  
Right now, he felt lonely. Not lonely, as in alone. But lonely as in no one to talk to or get help from. You don't know loneliness until you feel lonely with someone you love.  
And again, before he could stop them, the tears were cascading down his face. He couldn't stop them, so he ran out of the phone booth, jumped on his motorbike and drove. He drove and drove. Nowhere to go, nowhere to be.  
I am slowly fading away and you don't even notice it.


End file.
